You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
