Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
