WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
