i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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