I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
