my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
