i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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