i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
