There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
