he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize