we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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