Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
