Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
