I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
