there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
