you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
