Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
