He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize