i jhust puked up my retainher.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
