I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
