The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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