I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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