I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
