FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's like heaven, but drunker
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
