The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
