Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
