you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
