So drunk its hurt
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
