At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
