oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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