i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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