Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
