Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
