I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
