Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
