I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
