it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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