OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
