My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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