I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They took my balls.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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