i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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