No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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