Got a toothbrush?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
worst night to have a conscience
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I AM VODKA MAN
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
