Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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