I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
