I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
