I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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