For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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