Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
