dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
from now on my penis is your penis
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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