i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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