He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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