For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
