Kiss
Puke
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
