someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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