using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
