this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
