Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
