I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
