hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
