he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I could fuck to npr.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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