i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
