My nipple is on Facebook.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
