what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
