Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
