i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
