They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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