Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
