Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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