he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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