brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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